Beautiful.

I've been struggling with myself lately, my biggest obstacle the majority of the time.  I'm looking in the mirror and not being satisfied with what I see, with who I am becoming.  I find myself comparing who I am to other people in what they look like, how they act, how much people seem to like them...the list goes on and on.  And although these mind battles may seem elementary, they are in fact my greatest enemy; finding imperfections and breaking me down little by little.  

But Jesus didn't come to save my soul so I could feel like this--

I have been giving my mind and my thoughts control to stimulate my emotions and make me feel less of a person, even worthless.  Living in a world where instant gratification and outward appearance is so important sure doesn't help either.  Why do we have to thrive on being liked and fitting in?  I was thinking of how fantastic it would be to be rid of all those thoughts and feelings for one day, even an hour. 

Then I remembered why Jesus came to save my soul, so I don't have to feel like this--

Beauty is something often strived for, something attainable, something earned.  But I can have the confidence that I am fearfully and wonderfully made; I was planned, I have purpose.  My uniqueness, my person, was intentional.  I should be using what I have been given to be a blessing; that is what we, I, have been called to do.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart; He is the One who I need to be right-standing with, whose opinion matters. 

I am worthy of love, I am beautiful.  

       

       "You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."

- 1 Peter 3:4

Tough Love.

When I was a little person and would get into trouble (which happened quite often), my parents would always tell me "I'm doing this because I love you" when they would disciple me, whether it was a time out, a loss of privileges, or a forced apology to one of my siblings.  Many a times I found myself wondering that if they really loved me, why wouldn't they just let me off the hook?  But alas, my parents knew they had a responsibility to not only tell me what I was doing wrong but to correct me and have me learn from my mistakes as well...even if it meant momentary unhappiness on my part. 

In essence, I think we all have a responsibility to hold each other accountable, give a little tough love if you will.  I'm not  saying we need to run around and point out everyone else's faults; who are we to judge when we are just as guilty?  But there are appropriate times when a best friend or maybe a sibling needs a good kick in the pants to realize how much their actions or attitudes are destructive to themselves or others around them.  And it shouldn't be easy, because the last thing you want to see is your best friend hurting and conflicted.  But just leaving them in their filth will ultimately lead to more hurting in the end; their habits will become a part of them.

The beauty of this phenomenon that I am referring to as "tough love" is that someone cares for me so much that they are willing to put our relationship on hold to help me realize and fix my self-destructive behaviors that I'm either oblivious to, or more likely, that I'm choosing to avoid or make excuses for.  It sucks to be sat down and have yourself thrown in your face.  It's pride; admitting that I'm wrong and need to make a change of heart.  But what’s the point of saying honesty is everything if we don't really mean it?  It's never easy to break a habit or change an attitude...but we have self control.  Yes.

Be thankful for the people in your life who are willing to hold a mirror in front of your face to show you where the real problem is.  They're doing it because they love you, because they want to see you succeed in every aspect of your life.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

-John 8:38

An Ode to MJ

I was recently listening to none other than the great Michael Jackson, reminiscing about one of my favorite dances that I have done to his excellent tunage.  And what started as a good memory turned into an epiphany. 

Recently, I have been letting the actions of others get the best of me...getting me all worked up.  It's so frustrating to see someone constantly make the same mistakes over and over again -- will they ever learn?  While listening to the lyrics of MJ's "Man in the Mirror", I discovered the answer to what I had been struggling with most.  Instead of being bothered by or accusing others of their faults, I need to first take inventory of my issues and fix myself.  How can I accuse others if I am just as guilty?  There's nothing like getting a taste of your own medicine.  The one thing you can't stand...and then you catch yourself in the very same act.  This is by far one of the most convicting situations to find yourself in; and if you don't know what I'm talking about, just take my word for it.

Realizing what you're doing wrong is the first step...but what you choose to do with your new incite is even more important.  Many a times, I find myself blaming my "personality" or making excuses for my behaviors; they are just "a part of who I am", and I continue to ignore and make peace with them.  Well I'm here to tell you that this is a boat load of shenanigans.  We have conscious control over our actions -- I have conscious control over my actions.  And if we want to see a change, we need to make a change, starting with ourselves.  Sometimes all we need is to see our actions in someone else to realize how ridiculous we look.  This is not to put down others (I'm not in the burning business) but to learn from them.  And once we can get to the point of humbling ourselves to "I am wrong" and own the idiocy of our own actions, we can help others who may be struggling with the same issues; personal experience speaks louder than you may realize. 

What's encouraging to me is that I don't have to accept defeat because I have been saved by grace.  This phase of my life is only temporary; it will not get the best of me.  And I'll mess up -- because I am human.  But if I am consciously aware of my actions and moving forward for the better, I will begin to see the changes I desire in myself...through Him, by Him, in Him. 

       "I'm gonna make a change for once in my life; it's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference, gonna make it right…I'm staring with the man in the mirror; I'm asking him to change his ways.  And no message could have been any clearer: If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change."

-Michael Jackson

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      “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

-Luke 6:41-42 

Full Circle.

Today in my writing class we were doing an exercise to prepare us for creative non-fictional writing.  We were to describe a location from a specific memory we had: what it looked like, what I felt, heard, smelt, etc... and I chose the large field behind my back yard where I use to braid dandelions into flower crowns for my little sister and myself during the summer.

We passed our papers around the class and were instructed to make various comments on each other's work.  One of my peers who received my paper after numerous exchanges was to make a comment on why and how my mini passage evoked emotion.  And within that ten minutes he was given, he pretty much rewrote my last post...the irony.  So, kudos to Max for making my thoughts come full circle.


      "It's amazing how easily we take the simple things for granted.  Like how most of us can't find the time to enjoy a beautiful day, even for five minutes.  It's almost as though we forget about what it feels like to truly enjoy ourselves.  Go and allow your body to be embraced by the soft grass on a sunny day.  Take time to really soak up the sun.  Give it a chance to energize you with its infinite power.  The way a field of dandelions can take on a personality, standing at attention in your presence, will put your mind at ease.  If you let it, our world can soothe your soul."
                                                   - Max Bowell

Discoveries A New.

Lately, I've been in the mood to be adventurous.  Normally I like to get into mischief...nothing new...but this urge is different.  I want to see new things, go new places, and appreciate the world around me. 

Heavens, I sound like a hipster--

But my point is that there are so many little things in my day that I miss out on because I get caught up in the hubbub of the daily routine.   My roommate always says, "It's the little things, you know?"  And I agree completely.  When some rando gentleman opens the door for you or when your roommate suggests midnight adventures for ice cream, your day just seems to go that much better.  And although chivalry and frozen goodness are fabulous things, there is so much more that I could enjoy by just seeing. 

My goal for this next month is to be more observant.  Be appreciative for the creations around me and notice new things that I may have once just passed by.  Seeing as I'm still in school, I don't always have the opportunity to travel...go new places if you will.  But I can make do with what I have -- a big city, a beautiful campus, and creation in bloom.