Sail On, Seabee.

Nine months--

The next time I get to talk to my best friend, my big brother.

Tomorrow, my brother will leave for his third deployment during his career in the United States Navy.  I do not want to let him go...I didn't the first time and my feelings have not changed.  I have immense amounts of respect for  all the men and women who protect my country and fight for my freedom, but it always makes it difficult to grasp when it becomes personal, when it's someone you deeply love and care for. 

I continue to wonder why he chose this path for his life...Why would he put his life in danger?  Doesn’t he want a family someday?  Is he going to do this forever?...and the questions go on and on.  I'll be the first to admit that I could never do what he does; he is so brave.  But sometimes I wish he wasn't so brave.  Many a times, especially recently, I've attempted to convince him to not re-enlist once his current service is complete.  I just want to know that he is safe.  I just want him to come home.

I was talking to my friend Ryan about all of this last weekend: He proceeded to inform me that I can not and will not be able to change my brother's mind; if he intends on continuing his service for this country in the Navy, he will.  And let me tell you...that is NOT what I wanted to hear. 

But it was what I needed to hear--

The Lord so graciously opened my eyes that night.  If Nathan is called to serve, then that's where he needs to be.  I certainly do not want to be the person that convinced him to step out of the covering of the will of God.  Just as the Lord calls people to be doctors, teachers, moms, musicians...the Lord has called my brother to serve his country, and more importantly, his Heavenly Father.  It is not my responsibility (thankfully) to tell my brother what he should do with his future.  What I can do is pray that he will continue to faithfully follow the plans that have been set before him, whether that's serving in the Navy or something else.

And so, I pray--

In the hands of God he will be protected, he will thrive and excel in all the areas of his service, and he will come home...spirit, soul, and body.

I think about you constantly and pray for you every day. 

I love you.  I miss you.

Be brave.  Stay strong.  Remember your calling. 

~ Psalm 91 ~

tbd

I haven't been sleeping lately.  My body is tired, but my mind keeps thinking and my eyes stay open...like the pattern on the mattress above me is going to change miraculously. 

I keep assuming it's the fact that I haven't had enough "time to adjust" to home.  Well I've been home for two weeks now.  Maybe that's truly not enough time to re-clock my noggin, but I have a feeling it's something else. 

I wish I knew why--

Usually in this case something has been bothering me or tugging on my heart strings, but I can't put my finger on it.  One of those things where if I had the answer, I'd be sure to let you know.  And if you hear anything in the mean time, please, feel free to fill me in.

All I can do is ask for patience, understanding, and peace.  I guess it's safe to say that I'm being dealt with.  How or in what areas of my life exactly is still to be determined.  

Something's about to shake me, break me--

I need a wake up call.  

5/6

My lanta--  I don't even know where to begin.

I am officially a Junior in college.  Holy cats time flies.  Sophomore year was a journey to say the least, but here I am on the other side, better than I was yesterday.

I had the awesome opportunity of living with two of the most fantastic ladies in the entire world, Rebecca and Bekah.  They are my side kicks, my tough love, and my best friends.  But if I'm going to be completely honest, I can't say that these last 9 months have all been butterflies and rainbows.  In fact, there was a lot of conflict and struggle-- busy schedules, transferring shenanigans, different personalities.  Boom.
But we were brought together by none other than our Father, so we were in it for the long haul...we are in it for the long haul.   R.F.R.

And only about two months ago, we had met our match...

At the beginning of the year, the three of us decided to join a Bible study to be more involved in our church and grow in our faith.  We met many fantastic humans (my favorite) and started to build relationships with them.  Right at the end of the year, we had some additions to the B-Studs group...some rando ginger from Northwestern and his best friend.  Little did we know that this would be the start to the two best months of our Sophomore year.

So here's to you Josh, Ryan, and David:
It's not everyday you have the opportunity to meet a solid dude who is polite, genuinely cares,  brings out the best in you, AND loves the Lord with all their heart-- and I met three.  The Lord is so good.  And as you've been a major blessing in my life, you've really done wonders for my relationship with Rebecca and Bekah.  I've always been a bit of a wild child (them not so much), but you kids could care less about what people think about you; you're here to live life to the fullest.  Because of your actions and attitudes, my roommates and I have been able to model that...and boy have we ever.  There are things we do together now that we would've NEVER done before; you've changed us for the better.  I truly believe God put you three in our lives right when we needed you most.  We are a family now, and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Thank you-- which isn't nearly good enough for how grateful I truly am.

And then there was Saturday...

Saturday may have been one of the most challenging and sad days of my life.  I had to say goodbye to our family and our roommate trio.  Our lives are changing; we're following our different paths the Lord has been taking us on: Bekah is transferring to NYC, Ry-Guy will be going full-blown Marines on us...which happens to put some serious mileage between the family.  There will be visiting, phone dates, and skype extravaganzas, but it will never be like a good ol' mattress party in the club house, having special drank and corn dogs, yelling out the window, and watching Disney movies.  
Talk about heartbreak.

The only comfort I have is knowing that the Lord brought us together for a reason, so He'll keep us together...regardless of the changes in our lives or states that separate us.  Let's be real, true love never dies.  And we have Jesus.  Doesn't get much more promising than that.

I am 1/6 of a perfect family, designed and joined together by God Himself.  You all are my better halves...well, sixths if you will.  I love you all.

I am so blessed. 

"Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father."

- James 1:17

Unspeakable Joy.

This weekend may or may not have been one of the most rewarding and fantastic weekends of my sophomore year.  So many good things happened. 

I am so blessed :)

To kick of the weekend, Mama Chin was here in the Cities.  It's always nice to see a fellow madre, but it was even more awesome to see my roommate Bekah so happy to be with her.  We went on many adventures with Mama Chin...the wienery, the lemonade stand, homemade dinner by the boys...but I think my favorite was Al's Breakfast with her and the roommies; so good, so worth the wait.  Thanks for the laughs and good times, Mama Chin.  You are a fantastic person and an even more fantastic mother. 

On Saturday night, I had the opportunity to perform with my Jazz class.  We took some of our pieces that we had been working on all semester to the local Southern Theatre.  Since I am not a Dance Major, performance opportunities do not come along often...if at all.  I haven't performed in almost two years, so if you know me at all, you know my excitement.  The performance was at midnight, which is slightly a weird time to dance if I do say so myself.  To be honest, I was worried that the late time would effect my roommates to come see me; I've always wanted them to see me actually dance and not just in the kitchen or grocery store as usual.  But I should have known better...they came, along with Ryan and Josh.  I was so happy.  Come performance time, I was shaking, either with adrenaline or from my inhaler...the jury is still out on that one.  I could see my friends sitting in the audience and just wanted to show them how much I loved to dance.  But then the Lord so graciously reminded me that it was He who put the passion inside of me...so I stepped back and just thanked Him for the opportunity for me to use my talents for His glory;

This time was for Him--

It felt so good to be on stage.  I couldn't even stop smiling because I was so happy, so thankful for what was inside of me.  I could have been the only one on stage and not a soul in the audience, but I had my audience of One...that was all I needed.  It couldn't have gone better.  I was so satisfied just to know that I was pleasing in God's eyes.   I'm so glad I could share it with the people I love and who love me. 

After church on Sunday, I went to lunch with the roommies, Mama Chin, and the rest of the family.  We had a good time, as usual.  We even took family photos...yes, we're official.  And just looking at these pictures days later, I realize how blessed I am to have these humans in my life.  Over the past 4-5 weeks we have spent so much time together doing the most fun and ridiculous things; I love every minute of it.  They have my best interests in mind and truly care about me.  It's not everyday you stumble upon beauties like these…and they're in my family.  We have a common bond, the One that matters most.  Thank you all for being a part of my life.  You never cease to make me smile, you bring out the best in me.

Sunday night was the perfect ending to a perfect weekend.  The roommies and I were attempting to do homework and be productive (haha).  We managed to get into a mini Facebook throw down but then realized if we were all in the same house, why not just talk in person...which somehow led to us making a music video to the Zac Brown Band "Chicken Fried" with our own original lyrics, of course.  I've never laughed so hard.  We had a band photo shoot, used homemade instruments (aka kitchen utensils), and published it for all the world to see.  This was also my first all-nighter of the semester...it was worth every moment of it.  As our lyrics say, "There's no dollar sign on our bonding time..."  I love my roommates so much and will miss our trio more than a lot of things.  These ladies have been an influence in my life in all the right ways.  

I love you, Rebecca.  I love you, Bekah.  I always will.  

And now I will stop before the waterworks get the best of me.  

R.F.R. <3

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150191013037505&subj=506185752

(This is the link to our music video.  I highly suggest it for a good laugh.)

A lot of words.  But I have been so full of joy, peace, thankfulness...and even all these words are not enough. 

 The Lord is good, yes He is.

"Every good and every perfect gift comes from above."

- James 1:17