Living the Dream.

Two weeks ago today, I packed up my life, left absolutely everything I knew, and moved to Texas -- with only the peace of God that this is where I was supposed to be and with the faith that something great would come out of this new chapter of my life.  Although I was completely confident in the decision to come here, I was also intimidated by the simple fact that I had no context of what my year would look like.  Talk about fear of the unknown.

Now that I have actually had some time to settle in to this new land (literally, Texas is a whole different get-up), I can confidently say that I am in LOVE with what I will be participating and growing in for the next nine months.  In short, I am a trainee in a dance company that develops dancers in all realms of spirit, soul, and body in order to use their gifts as vessels for ministry and outreach. 

Not only do I take intense technique classes in various styles (even hip hop...sista's got some new swag), but I also take biblical application classes that connect our movement with our spirit man, as well as strengthen our relationship with Christ and our biblical foundation as believers.  We get the amazing opportunity to tour the country with a convention called Dance Revolution where God is truly the focus and the dancing is taught to encourage thankfulness and worship for the amazing gift that dance is.

I still get excited just thinking about it all...let alone realizing that this is actual real life! 

God is good. 

Over this past week and a half, my body has been rocked (talk about getting back in shape), I have been blessed with new friendships that encourage me to diligently seek Christ, my heart has already begun to transform and soften through the grace and love of God, and I have been continually reassured that is in fact where I am suppose to be for this season of my life.

Thinking back to my 8th grade self at my very first Dance Revolution, feeling an intense compelling that one day I would be a part of this program -- not knowing when or how or why -- I am so humbled and grateful that God has fulfilled His promise that dance would one day be my life.  And even in the times where I ran from it and doubted His Words, He covered me with His grace and allowed me to run back to Him, crawl into His arms, and begin to work through the calling He has on my life.

So for now, this is my new home away from home.  And I will stay as long as I am needed, until He says, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." 

God is doing AMAZING things here, and I am completely in awe and extremely blessed to play a part in His movement to change our generations to come for His Kingdom and ultimate glory.

"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass."

Psalms 37:4-5

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And It Was Good.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been pondering what I allow to affect my life and the manifestations that follow.  With every new day that I face, something is put into action, regardless if it carries the status of beneficial or destructive.  I like to think that I do not have control over every individual outcome that occurs, because I like to think that is what makes life...life.  But what I do believe is that it is my responsibility to respond.

The response that I can give has many different personas, if you will, which are typically dependent on where the outcomes lie on the scale of good and not so good.  Naturally speaking, positive situations bring about positive responses which often look like thankfulness, patience, love, grace, joy, peace, and excitement.  In opposition, negative situations bring about negative responses which often look like sadness, anger, loneliness, depression, defeat, anxiety, and fear.  And as this is a fairly agreed upon system of the nature of life, I get stuck. 

If this is how it is "suppose" to work, then why do I struggle so much with finding my joy when my life is constantly producing reasons for me to be nothing but happy, or at least something of that nature.

Fortunately, the Lord has been so gracious in helping me wrap my mind around this, for it is something I have been fighting with for long enough.  My attention has recently been pointed to Romans.  In Chapter 8, I came across a verse that I have known for practically my whole life:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

I would normally interpret this in a manner that my mind can understand, meaning (at least for me) that everything will eventually work out because I am a follower of Christ, love Him deeply, and it is what has been promised to me.  This verse is to give me hope in the times where no light seems to be shining and when I ultimately want to give up.  And these interpretations are based on my understanding of the word "good" that is used in this verse, in the way that society (and often myself) defines it -- desirable, pleasant, happy, enough, enjoyable, complete, perfect. 

But what is the definition "good" in this context?  I do not believe it is how I typically understand it to be, but rather, how the verse defines it -- according to His purpose.  If I have faith in knowing that every good and perfect thing comes from God (James 1:17), then what I understand "good" to be may never actually occur.  It is not to point me to the resolution or conclusion that I desire in any given situation, but rather how the Lord intends on using it for His ultimate glory. 

Mind blown.

If my responses are solely dependent on how this world defines happiness and what I feel in a given circumstance, I will be royally disappointed time after time.  Even when life is on the up and up, I can struggle (and do struggle) with seeing the good, simply because I am trying to define it for myself rather than how it was actually intended.  And as I am still left perplexed in this newfound revelation, I am aware that a shift in perspectives and a change of heart need to take place. 

The Lord is using my life, from the most brilliant of moments to the most heart-wrenching and painful experiences, for His ultimate glory.  I may never understand, but I can always have faith.  And by constantly being filled with His comfort and compassion, I can then be a light to others out of the overflow of my heart.

"Praise be to God and Father our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

And because of this, I am compelled to respond in a new way, that takes the focus off of me and directs it to where it truly belongs.  I wish this was natural, but human nature has proven to be my nemesis more than I would prefer.  I am sick and tired (literally) of accepting defeat in the things that I cannot understand -- talk about the most exhausting and depressing state of being.   So I have finally decided to do something about it...finally.

I recently purchased a new journal (that is entirely precious if I may add) for the specific purpose of writing something in it each day, something that I am thankful for regardless of the outcome of my day.  And as this may be cliché, it is a small and simple exercise that I can do to continually point me to Christ and His evident blessings in my life.  It was important to me that this task would not be overwhelming, as to encourage my desire to participate and truly reflect, as opposed to feeling defeated quickly by too much too fast -- which I have done to myself one too many times.

In order to break a habit, I have to fast and pray.  In order to gain a habit, I have to practice and pray.  Meaning if I want to stop dwelling in my misery, I need to stop giving it permission to be my standard response.  But this also means that I have to do something different and make it a part of my daily routine, as to eventually become natural and instinctive.  I do not know what to expect in all of this, because I do not want to limit what God can do through this process.  But I can have faith that it will continue to draw me closer to Him, that He can be my standard response. 

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"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."

John 16:33