Neither Man Nor Sandwich: Part 1.

A few weeks ago, after much prayer and discussion, my roommate and I decided to partake in a Daniel fast.  This meant for one week we would only eat fruits and vegetables, and more importantly, really press in to God and intensely pursue our relationship with Him.  In short, Daniel fasted to receive divine wisdom and understanding from God without the distractions of everything else around him [Daniel 1]. He was strengthened by God, he was blessed. 

We wanted to make sure that our hearts and intentions were in the right place before commencing, so we took a week to study Daniel, to pray, and to open our hearts to whatever God had planned for the week ahead -- I wanted to be like Daniel, I wanted to receive divine wisdom and understanding from God beyond my closed human mind could ever comprehend.  I was excited. 

And not to my surprise, it was a hard first few days, simply because I was hungry, uncomfortable, and tired.  But I continued to press in, I continued to have faith in the fact that the Lord was working in me even though I could not see it.  On Thursday about half way through my day, I realized that I was no longer hungry or focused on simply surviving -- there was a release.  And it carried on into my weekend, which was full of solitude, satisfaction, comfort, and love.  By the end of the week, I was so surprised by the fact that I was not dying to be done.  I was content, content in God.

And as He promised -- I was strengthened by Him, I was blessed. 

I spent exponentially more time in the Word and on my knees crying out to God and simply listening to what He had to say.  It was all too lovely.  But what it made me realize is how much of my time I waste doing a lot of useless and unnecessary things.  If I could find time then, I can find that same quality time any day, fasting or not.  And as convicting as it was, it was also encouraging -- to know that I could use that time spent to forward my relationship with Him, more hungry and on fire than when I began.

The concept of "...seek, and you will find..." became so real and so clear to me.  It gets me happy just thinking about it.  And maybe it seems silly that I am so excited about something so transparent, but as an avid simpleton, this is the most beautiful thing…. to know that the God of Heaven will meet you, just like He says He will.  I talked with Jesus and He talked with me -- and my words fail to express how precious and powerful this truly is.

There must be complete surrender of self, standing recklessly abandon before Him, in order to gain all of Him.  I say that I live a life of faith and put all my trust in God.  Yet when I lay things at His feet, I cannot walk away without looking back --  I can never completely let go. 

It breaks my heart to see that my faith is weak, that His sacrifice is not enough for me to be content and satisfied in who He has created me to be and in all that He has promised.  If I truly was, I would not seek for approval and fulfillment in mankind [which will be discussed in more specific details in the near future Part 2].

His love and grace should be sufficient, yet I find myself struggling.  But only He can change a heart.  Anything I attribute to my own strength will only continue to fail me.  It is an act of humiliation -- that I am the most hell-deserving sinner -- that will bring me to my knees and let God work from the inside out.  It is a daily surrender, and maybe even more, that will allow my faith and the Spirit of God to work together, to make a change. 

And the learning continues, even after my week of fasting has come and gone.  This was only the beginning to what God has in store for me.  He continues to peel me back, layer by layer, and opening my eyes to so many things that I did not even know were inside of me -- some good, some not so good -- but all in thanksgiving, that He is working through me even when I may not see it.

"Keep on asking and you will receive what you ask for.  Keep on seeking and you will find.  Keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives.  Everyone who seeks, finds.  And everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."

Matthew 7:7-8