A Revelation from Within.

As it has been too long since I have put my thoughts into words, I ask for your patience as I ease myself back into something that I almost forgot brought so much joy to me. 

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

About a month ago, I took part in another Daniel fast as a kick-off for the rest of my summer, as well as for a time of solitude and surrender to anything that Lord had in store for me.  I was excited, not only because I thoroughly enjoyed my previous experience, but also because I was interested to see how the two would compare. 

Throughout my week of fasting, I was waiting for my “revelation” or the “ah-ha moment” that I had been all too familiar with from my previous fast.  I kept asking the Lord to reveal to me parts of my life that needed attention or that He saw fit for change, but the only things that continued to press my heart were issues that always seem to be there, that have simply become a part of the make-up of who I am.

This frustrated me; I was looking for something greater, something beyond myself.  But the Lord had a different plan – a better plan – as He continues to prove time and time again.  Expecting my fasts to be similar was naive, but alas I allowed my human nature to get the best of me and actually hinder the process.  And now that I look back, that does not surprise me one bit.

There are many areas in my life that I refuse to surrender to the Lord, that I have become so complacent and live with on a daily basis without even an awareness of their effect on myself and everything else around me.  There I was, begging for a revelation, when all the while He was giving me exactly what I needed. 

The deepness in which these things penetrate my soul is uncomfortably scary.  They have become so close to me that I no longer see them worthy of attention or change; they will just always be.  But who am I to say that all hope is lost and I am the way that I will always be?  Simple – a human being who once again displays such little faith in who I declare my God to be.  

So where do I go from here, how do I begin to change the innermost being that I am into what it has been intended to be?  Simple – I ask for help, from the only One who can change my heart.  Having to dig out the wells of filth from within can be an ugly thing and fairly unpleasant, to say the least, but absolutely necessary all in the same if there is any hope for growth and change for the better.  

It is amazing what the Lord can accomplish when I actually allow Him to have free reign over my spirit, soul, and body, when I stop allowing my human nature to get the best of me.  Surrender is not an easy task by all means.  In fact, I know it is something that cannot be mastered in one day.  It is a process – a life-long commitment – that I must see worthy of the most important priority of everything I will ever do.  For once I stop making it about myself, all that is intended will fall into place just as it has been promised.  And that is a risk I must be willing to take.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Our battles are first won or lost in the secret places of our will in God’s presence, never in full view of the world. The Spirit of God seizes me and I am compelled to get alone with God and fight the battle before Him. Until I do this, I will lose every time. The battle may take one minute or one year, but that will depend on me, not God. However long it takes, I must wrestle with it alone before God, and I must resolve to go through the hell of renunciation or rejection before Him. Nothing has any power over someone who has fought the battle before God and won there."

-- Oswald Chambers: My Utmost for His Highest