Confirmation And So Much More.

Back story: My aunt recently asked me to write a letter to my cousin Luke for his confirmation this weekend.  They are gathering these letters for all the kids being confirmed as a sign of support and encouragement from their friends and family, to let them know that there are other people behind them as they continue their journey in this world -- life as we know it.  I was flattered that she even thought of me as someone to write to him, but I was even more so just excited to be able to be a blessing to someone, especially someone so close to me.  And this is the space in which I usually write, so it only seemed appropriate to share it.  Cheers.  

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Dear Luke,

First and foremost, congratulations on your day of confirmation!  This day is such an important milestone in your life, and I commend you for making it this far, for continuing to strive for a life that is a reflection of your God and who he has made you to be.  From this day forward, you may begin to realize that life does not always get easier.  But not to worry, you have an amazing family who will be there to help you along and support you for the rest of your life -- and that is just the best. 

Every single person, including you, is created with a specific purpose in mind.  Every ounce of your uniqueness is intentional, for a greater cause far beyond yourself.  And the moment when you realize this is the moment in which the world becomes powerless to what you can truly accomplish -- which I can guarantee will be great. 

Often times we care too much about what other people think or feel about us, and we allow them to dominate our lives to the point where we lose our voice.  But you will never have a voice until you learn to speak up.  And being bold is a scary thing, in fact it can even feel impossible or pointless at times, but you are ultimately in control of your life and who you are going to let affect it.  Be courageous, be proud of who you are.

Here is the best part of all -- you do not have to do this alone.  You have been given such an amazing gift from above, Your God, who will never leave you and who keeps you close even in the hardest of times.  His strength is all you will need, and His love will fill you up more than anything or anyone else in this world ever could.  Just ask Him to help you, and He will -- He always will.

Confirmation is not only a milestone in your life as a growing young man, but it is also a wonderful opportunity to be intentional about your faith.  It has nothing to do with going along with what is expected of you, but rather has everything to do with how you will choose to let the Lord work in your life from now on.  Let your future have purpose; let your heart be willing to follow where He takes you. 

Being a part of your life has always been such a blessing, Luke.  Watching you continue to grow and develop into the person that you have been created to be is an amazing thing.  You are so special me, and I am so happy that you are in my family, in our family.  And I can only hope that these words of encouragement stay with you and remind you of how much of an impact you have already made in so many people's lives and how much of a difference you will make in your future -- You will do great things.

I am so very proud of you.

All my love,

 Beth. 

"I know what I'm doing.  I have it all planned out -- plans to take care of you, not to abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

Jeremiah 29:11 

That Which You Most Certainly Deserve.

Recently, the Lord has been helping me with myself, how to fully embrace and be thankful for who He has created me to be.  He has demonstrated this in many ways, but mostly through the importance of genuine relationships with friends who love me in a way in which is far beyond what I could imagine.  For someone who has struggled with "the idea of self" for as long as I can remember, I did not know it would ever be possible for me to feel this way -- completely content in who I have been created to be.  

But alas, in Christ, all things are possible.  Amen. 

First and foremost, you must be able to see yourself as your Heavenly Father sees you -- fearfully and wonderfully made, with a specific purpose to use what He has given you for the greater glory of His Kingdom.  Your confidence, love, self-worth, and value should be completely satisfied by His thoughts toward you, to give you a future and a hope.  

Until then, you will never allow anyone else to fully appreciate exactly who you have been created to be -- which you most certainly deserve.  How can you?  We bring ourselves to such a point of dependency in others and what they think is important that we take whatever we can get, which I can guarantee is far less than what you are worth.

And I only say all of this with such confidence because I know -- I have been there, I am there.  It is an incredible transformation to undertake, but a necessary one at that.  I realized that I constantly, both internally and externally, beat myself up about my "imperfections" or the things in which I do not see as worthy of love or appreciation.  I was simply (and unfortunately can still be) embarrassed  of myself, desperately wishing I could be something that I am not -- Oh, how this makes my heart hurt.   

But the Lord continually proves to be so gracious, time and time again as promised -- as fall on my face before Him, humbling myself daily, desperately pleading for Him to purge my heart and mind of such destructive and hopeless thoughts, which are certainly not of Him.  And in that moment when my soul is released, nothing else matters except the thoughts and affections of Him, of how I can be the best version of myself in His image.  Simply glorious.  

And as a result of this, the Lord has been able to place people into my life who serve this very purpose, who love me and genuinely appreciate my whole self that I am, which often takes my breath away or even brings me to tears -- because it demonstrates the unconditional love that my Heavenly Father truly has for me in such an overwhelming and beautiful fashion.   

So let us rid ourselves of all the excuses and lies that we convince ourselves of, that we are not enough.  And let us rather be exactly who we have been intended to be, which I guarantee looks far better than anything we muster up as desirable or worthy of cause.  Find the people in life who encourage you to be just that, and nothing else.  The Lord has put them there for reason, as a direct reflection of His perfect love for you.

It is truly a wonderful thing, indeed.  

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 

Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well."

Psalm 139: 14

My Sister's Keeper.

My dearest (and favorite) baby sister,

Today is a special day for you, as it is your first dance competition of the season.  And although this is certainly nothing out of the ordinary, seeing as you have been doing this since you were a small one, it is in fact your first time competing a solo.  I hope you are as excited as I am.

Dancing by yourself on stage can be one of the most intimidating and overwhelming experiences, knowing that every eye is watching your every move, the pressures of being perfect and giving the people what they want to see.  But it can also [and will be] one of the most rewarding and precious experiences of your entire life, one that you will carry with you forever.  Trust me, I know.

Forget about being perfect and forget about all the people watching, for that is not what this is all about.  Those moments on that stage are between you, the movement, and the music -- you will be creating beauty with every step that you take.  Do it because you love it. 

Watching you continually grow as a dancer and as a young lady has been one of the most rewarding and special opportunities that I could have ever asked for.  The Lord is so good.  And I know you say that you wish you could be the dancer that I am, but you will always be greater than I -- because you have not lost sight of your dream to be the dancer that you have been called to be, because you are more brave than I ever was.  You will always be my inspiration, and I thank God for putting you into my life for that very purpose. 

Tonight, you will have an audience of One -- and nothing else matters.  He has blessed you with a lovely gift.  Use it to worship Him and glorify His name.  And in the moments before you step onto that stage, remember why you are doing what you are doing -- because you have been blessed with a gift, because it brings indescribable  joy to your heart, and because you get to share your light with others. 

I am so very proud of you.  You will be beautiful.

All my love and more,

Your big sister.

"Let them praise His name with dancing, making melody to Him with the tambourine and lyre!  For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He adorns the humble with salvation."

Psalm 149: 3-4

Once Upon A Family.

About a year ago today, I embarked on one of the happiest and most memorable years of my life thus far.  In fact, I would even say it was life-changing, because it was exactly that.  So many blessings.

The Bible talks about the importance of having four crazy friends [Mark 2], but I have six...all who continually bless my life in their own individual ways in the fashion in which the Lord has created them.  We are all so very different (which may be an understatement), but our relationship is centered around Christ, first and foremost, meaning we can be what we are -- a direct reflection of His love and never ending grace.

Having people in your life who are completely sold out for the Lord and the cause of His greater glory, who encourage you to be the woman God that you have been intentionally created to be, and never cease to amaze you with their abilities to bless your life is one of the greatest gifts a lady could ever ask for.  My God is so good. 

Time spent with all of you is always precious, and I have so many memories that I will never forget -- all the laughter, discovery, compassion, forgiveness, peace, grace, crazy, love.   I would not have it any other way.  This past year has been beyond myself and anything I could ask for.  And although we cannot know where the Lord will take us next, it can only get better.  How beautiful.  

If I could fully and successfully express exactly how deep of an appreciation I have for each of these wonderful human beings I would, but I cannot.  There are just not enough words for that.

But alas, I will give it my all -- and with that, I write...

My dearest family,

Rebecca --

Becoming friends with you may be one of the single greatest blessings that has ever happened to me.  And I can honestly say that you (and Bekah) are one of the first real best friends that I have ever had, which means so much more than I could possibly express.  I know I can be a handful and a half sometimes, but even in our differences (which there are so many), you love me just the same.  You have such a deep passion to serve, to get your hands dirty, and you are constantly striving to be the best version of who you have been created to be.  And in it all, you remain humble and gracious for the opportunity to use your gifts for our Savior's greater glory.  We have grown so much together over these past few years, sharing our joys, pains, struggles, and triumphs...but it is all in Him, which is by far the most beautiful thing.  You inspire me to live a life greater than myself.  You encourage me, challenge me, and love me more than I could ever ask for -- and I thank the Lord for putting you into my life for those very purposes.  I am so excited to see what the Lord has planned for your future.  You will do great things.  I love you. 

Josh --  

Good Gandhi, where do I even begin.  My Seinfeld buddy, the social butterfly, photo of the day, Chapter 29, pinkies in the middle with a right hand star...only some of the reasons why I love having you as a friend.  Josh, when I look at you, I see Christ.  Your life is rooted and centered in His glory and in His will, which is evident through your zeal and passion to do His work.  You are fearless, willing to go wherever and whenever you are called.  And I will have you know that this is contagious.  You are so easy to talk to (a little truth or truth, ya see) and so easy to be my honest self with, seeing as you may actually be more crazy than I am.  You  know how to make the best of every situation and turn everything into a good time, and you know how to get the rest of us to surprisingly (and willingly?) follow suit.  You live life to the fullest, nothing to lose, nothing to regret...which is something I have learned to embrace for myself over this past year.  So thank you, for all of it.  Love you...NOT!  (But really I do). 

David --

I am just so happy that I know you.  I do not think I have ever met a person more honestly caring and interested about the lives of others than you, and your passion to serve them accordingly reflects the same love that you have for Christ, which is simply beautiful...and something that I hope I can obtain for myself someday.  You have always encouraged me to be proud of the person that I am, never allowing me to short change myself or underestimate the gifts that I have been given.  I always enjoy our talks, big or small, because I always learn so much from you.  You are willing to listen and respect my thoughts, regardless if you understand or not.  And we ALWAYS have a grand time together, whether it be jamming to some tunage (IN ALL CAPS), cooking crazy foods (that I am slowly but surly learning to appreciate), batman fist pumping, or swing dancing anywhere and everywhere, which is one of my new favorite things.  Not having you here this semester really revealed how thankful I truly I am to have you as a friend, but I am thrilled that you are doing what you love in a place where you can be a blessing to others.  Te amo.

Peter --

Now technically speaking,  I have not necessarily known you for an entire year.  But by meeting Ryan and Josh, I pretty much have...after story after story after story.  And now actually having you as a part of our family feels nothing less than normal, and I would not have it any other way.  Your intelligence --your ridiculous awareness of everything-- is so wonderful and is so incredible and is manifested in so many ways...in your humor (my personal favorite), in your attention to detail in other people's lives, in your passion for your passions, in your desire to learn, in your family, and in your love for our Savior.  You challenge me to think beyond myself, to step outside of my comfort box and appreciate parts of the world that I could be missing out on.  Never have I felt the pressure to be anything but myself, for you accept (and actually encourage) the whole crazy that I am and appreciate my moments (oh so many) and then some .  You make me laugh more than any other human that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and I will forever remember you as the "Hammertime Hoedown boy"-- which only deserves a proper curtsey, and of course, Kudosos.  So much love.

Ryan --

I am so pleased with how much our friendship has grown over the past year -- such a perfect combination of humor, humility (mostly on my part), and love.  What a guy.  You live such a purpose -driven life.  You have a compassion to serve and to help those in need, living a life according to our Savior.  Your natural leadership is evident in knowing how to connect with other people  on their level, meeting them where they are at in order to serve them in the best possible way.  And you take life for what it is and make the most out of what you have been given.  You always seem to catch me in my finest of moments, which is usually thoroughly embarrassing, but it also makes me feel safe; when I am with you, I know everything will be okay.  You have taught me to enjoy the person that I am, to never feel ashamed.  I am excited to see how the Lord will work in your life next, for it has been such a beautiful thing to witness over this past year.  You are such a blessing to me...and I would not chose anyone else in this world to take care of my best friend.  I love you, friend.

Bekah --

My beautiful best friend.  I cannot even begin to describe how blessed I am to have such a godly young lady as yourself in my life.  Your life consistently emanates the love you have for our Jesus, always seeking Him and pursuing the call He has for your life.  And regardless of what situations life throws at you, you remain in the grace and peace that He provides.  You have set such an example for me over these past few years, helping me to be confident in who the Lord has created me to be.  Not having you here is so bitter sweet -- all I ever want for you is to be where the Lord is calling you to be...but it is certainly hard to not desperately miss you when I need to know what I should wear, am having a girl-out moment (the few that I actually have, naturally having no idea what is going on...), when I need some straight up tough love, or just having someone to listen while I talk it out.  You are always there for me, time and time again, faithful till the end.  I can only hope to be such a blessing to someone else in the same way you are such a blessing to me.  We have in fact been through everything and the moon, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat.  I love you oh so very much.

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"Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealously, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.  It is not conceited (arrogant or inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.  Love (God's love for us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy, fretful, or resentful; it takes no account to the evil done unto it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].  It does not rejoice at injustice or unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.  Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best in every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].  Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]."

    I Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

A Happy Heart.

I am going to ask to be excused from all cliché and cheesiness for the next few moments.  But I just cannot contain myself any longer.  I am such a ham.

Today has been simply fantastic.  I seriously have been smiling non stop since my 8:25am ballet class this morning.  What is the deal? …I have been asking myself the same question, as well as every other person who has witnessed this today.  

Now I would describe myself as naturally optimistic and of a cheery disposition, but as of last Thursday evening, I have been beyond myself -- just ecstatic. Even now, as I write, I have this ridiculous smile beaming across my face.  It is the strangest thing ever but entirely lovely all in the same.

Recently, the Lord has really been helping me to be thankful for His small moments -- the things I often forget or take for granted.  And in doing so, I have become more and more aware of how good my God truly is -- just by taking a moment to look at all that He has given me...all that I do not deserve.

There is oh so much...but it would take a lifetime to list. 

So -- I will just share a few highlights of what has made my today…

First...

I have the greatest friends.  Ever.  And sure, who does not  say that...but I am a part of a family that was brought together by none other than God Almighty Himself.  Boom. We complement each other perfectly, each having an important role to play.  They make me laugh more than any other humans I have ever known.  They love me for the crazy that I am.  They are willing to get real with me...a little truth or truth, ya see.  But most importantly, they drive me towards Christ, to strive to be the woman of God that He has created me to be.  And that, my friends, is priceless.  I love you all so much. 

And a little more...

A girl asked me in ballet on Friday why I was always smiling during class, even when we are doing the most laborious and technical work.  I first shared with her that I am in fact a goon and like to make everything into a good time, as if she did not have that figured out already.  But then I told her that dancing is the single greatest gift that I have been blessed with and have no other response but to smile.  I often imagine myself being the only one in the entire room, just worshiping before my God.  And then, I get to share His joy -- with anyone and everyone who wants in on what I have inside of me.  It is just so perfect, so beautiful. 

And a little more…

I recently joined a ministry at the church I attend here in Minneapolis (Hope Community Church) where I will be a part of a worship team that will help out a recent church plant of Hope until they are stable enough to have their own team.  Basically I have the opportunity to lead people into one of the most wonderful forms of communication with our God while using yet another gift that I have been ever so blessed with.  Ah.  I am so excited.

And most importantly…

I have a Savior -- enough said.  He came to this world and gave His life, that I may live in Him and with Him for all of eternity.  He is my grace, unconditional love , satisfaction, mercy, forgiveness, peace, joy, self control, countless blessings...and so much more.  And yet again, my words fail to express the humbleness and gratitude and love my heart has for my Jesus. 

And what better reason can compare to the joy that I have found in my Lord.  He is so good.

Jesus paid it all;

All to Him I owe.

Sin had left its crimson stain;

He washed it white as snow.

"...in your presence there is fullness of joy…"

Psalm 16:11   

Neither Man Nor Sandwich: Part 2.

"It breaks my heart to see that my faith is weak, that His sacrifice is not enough for me to be content and satisfied in who He has created me to be and in all that He has promised.  If I truly was, I would not seek for approval and fulfillment in mankind…"

The learning from the fast continues -- a revealing Part 2. 

And I cannot believe I am about to do this.

Boys.  Here we go.

As a forever-single-lady, I would be lying if I said I did not wonder when or if I will ever have my shot at love.  Cheesy, but true.  What a girl.  But marriage has always been a desire of my heart, and I truly believe it is something that will be a part of my future.  The only problem is that as a twenty-year-old-forever-single-lady, I have a tendency to become impatient and take matters into my own hands...which has clearly never worked out for me.

The concept of "being on the prowl" (which is SO embarrassingly true) has become all too familiar with me.  I say that the desire of my heart is to be loved by only one, yet I become so depressed  when there has yet to be a suitor.  Well of course I am going to have to be on a pursuit, because they (every other boy) are ultimately not suppose to end up as my suitor in the first place...meaning, I would have to do something in order to change that.

Why is there such a desire to be desired? I like to convince myself that it is a simple fact of human nature and everybody struggles with it (which may actually be true), but deep down I know there has to be more to it than that. 

Knowing that someone is interested in me, whether the "feelings are mutual" or not,  confirms the fact that someone may actually be able to love me some day...I feel needed, I feel worth while.  Again, what a girl.  But if I am not suppose to be with someone, why on earth would I want them to be interested in me in the first place?  So must desperation for all the wrong reasons...

Leading only to inevitable pain and more loneliness than when I began.

If this is the case, then why do I keep crawling back to my methods of shameless (and actually really  embarrassing) attempts to prove my worth through anyone who will give me a glimmer of hope?  Clearly I have no faith in the fact that the Lord may actually have a plan for me that is far better than anything I could imagine.  Gasp.  For all I know, I do not even know him yet.  For all I know, I already do… Regardless, the Lord knows what He is doing -- which should be far more comforting than anything I muster up on my own. 

Whoever he is, he has the right to my whole heart.  But I cannot keep that promise and continue to actively search for approval in others, despite how "harmless" my intentions may seem.  Whoever he is, he should be driving me towards Christ and my relationship with Him.  If I am constantly experiencing anxiety, fear, jealousy, and worry, I know my feelings are not of God.  I know my eyes are looking everywhere but on things above. 

I should not -- will not -- have to prove anything to anyone, for I will be loved for exactly who the Lord has created and fashioned me to be.

Now, this is not to be confused with me announcing my separation from the male population and living in my own little corner in my own little room until Prince Charming finds me...this is not Disney, people.  I am a firm believer that the Lord puts humans into our lives intentionally -- to live, to learn, and to grow with them. 

How do I expect myself to know when the right person is finally standing in front of me if I have never seen qualities or characteristics of him in anyone else?  The Lord has been so gracious to bless me with real, God-fearing gentlemen in my life who respect me as a daughter of Christ and encourage me to live at His standards.  And without them, I would be at a loss.  I am so thankful. 

By simply striving  to be the woman of God that I have been called to be, the rest will fall into place in due time...in God's time.  If I cannot find satisfaction and contentment in God Almighty, first and foremost, then I will never be able to find it in anyone else.  And until then, I will have to continue to wait.  I need to lay this at His feet, I need to walk away from my right to self…

I need to let Him write my love story.

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"Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealously, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.  It is not conceited (arrogant or inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.  Love (God's love for us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy, fretful, or resentful; it takes no account to the evil done unto it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].  It does not rejoice at injustice or unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.  Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best in every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].  Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].

           I Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

Neither Man Nor Sandwich: Part 1.

A few weeks ago, after much prayer and discussion, my roommate and I decided to partake in a Daniel fast.  This meant for one week we would only eat fruits and vegetables, and more importantly, really press in to God and intensely pursue our relationship with Him.  In short, Daniel fasted to receive divine wisdom and understanding from God without the distractions of everything else around him [Daniel 1]. He was strengthened by God, he was blessed. 

We wanted to make sure that our hearts and intentions were in the right place before commencing, so we took a week to study Daniel, to pray, and to open our hearts to whatever God had planned for the week ahead -- I wanted to be like Daniel, I wanted to receive divine wisdom and understanding from God beyond my closed human mind could ever comprehend.  I was excited. 

And not to my surprise, it was a hard first few days, simply because I was hungry, uncomfortable, and tired.  But I continued to press in, I continued to have faith in the fact that the Lord was working in me even though I could not see it.  On Thursday about half way through my day, I realized that I was no longer hungry or focused on simply surviving -- there was a release.  And it carried on into my weekend, which was full of solitude, satisfaction, comfort, and love.  By the end of the week, I was so surprised by the fact that I was not dying to be done.  I was content, content in God.

And as He promised -- I was strengthened by Him, I was blessed. 

I spent exponentially more time in the Word and on my knees crying out to God and simply listening to what He had to say.  It was all too lovely.  But what it made me realize is how much of my time I waste doing a lot of useless and unnecessary things.  If I could find time then, I can find that same quality time any day, fasting or not.  And as convicting as it was, it was also encouraging -- to know that I could use that time spent to forward my relationship with Him, more hungry and on fire than when I began.

The concept of "...seek, and you will find..." became so real and so clear to me.  It gets me happy just thinking about it.  And maybe it seems silly that I am so excited about something so transparent, but as an avid simpleton, this is the most beautiful thing…. to know that the God of Heaven will meet you, just like He says He will.  I talked with Jesus and He talked with me -- and my words fail to express how precious and powerful this truly is.

There must be complete surrender of self, standing recklessly abandon before Him, in order to gain all of Him.  I say that I live a life of faith and put all my trust in God.  Yet when I lay things at His feet, I cannot walk away without looking back --  I can never completely let go. 

It breaks my heart to see that my faith is weak, that His sacrifice is not enough for me to be content and satisfied in who He has created me to be and in all that He has promised.  If I truly was, I would not seek for approval and fulfillment in mankind [which will be discussed in more specific details in the near future Part 2].

His love and grace should be sufficient, yet I find myself struggling.  But only He can change a heart.  Anything I attribute to my own strength will only continue to fail me.  It is an act of humiliation -- that I am the most hell-deserving sinner -- that will bring me to my knees and let God work from the inside out.  It is a daily surrender, and maybe even more, that will allow my faith and the Spirit of God to work together, to make a change. 

And the learning continues, even after my week of fasting has come and gone.  This was only the beginning to what God has in store for me.  He continues to peel me back, layer by layer, and opening my eyes to so many things that I did not even know were inside of me -- some good, some not so good -- but all in thanksgiving, that He is working through me even when I may not see it.

"Keep on asking and you will receive what you ask for.  Keep on seeking and you will find.  Keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives.  Everyone who seeks, finds.  And everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."

Matthew 7:7-8