In Response to Aching Silence.

*As this is a response to my last few posts, it may help to revisit them prior to commencing your reading -- But I will do my best to make it easy to follow regardless.  Cheers.*

In yesterday's daily devotional :

"Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do, and He says we must not think about these things to the point where they become the primary concern of our life.  Whenever there are competing concerns in your life, be sure you always put your relationship to God first."

Oswald Chambers: My Utmost for His Highest

In my vow of silence to the world and my new desires to live a life greater than myself, I struggle to find peace.  Yes, it is a daily battle of surrender, but there still seems to be something missing in my pursuit.  Why cannot find what I am looking for?

I have been wrestling with this for a while now.  And over the past few days, the Lord has been so graciously opening my eyes --

Just because I have chosen to not outwardly express all my thoughts and feelings and concerns does not mean that I am automatically listening.  For all I know, the Lord has been trying to talk to me all this time and I just continue to allow my thoughts to consume me; there has yet to be a complete surrender.

I continually find myself saying that I do not know what I am suppose to do next -- I have a desire to go and to follow, yet I do nothing.  Perhaps it is fear of the unknown and my future.  Perhaps I simply do not have the guts to ask what I am looking for...and what I will find by doing so.  But if I wanted it as much as I say I do, I would be searching for it, searching for Him.

And the answers have been in front of me all this time...and even worse, I have been fully aware and still do nothing:

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."

Matthew 7:7-8

Well, what in the world am I waiting for then...an invitation?  Faith requires action, not waiting for a divine appointment of the heavens opening and giving me all the answers to life.  How selfish of me. 

I often use the excuse that I just do not know how, but maybe I am not even willing to try.  My human nature takes control and I surrender, because that is what I have been training it to do all these years.  I know nothing of true desperation, I know nothing of diligently seeking.  

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"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.  So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today."

Matthew 6:33-34

"By receiving His Spirit, recognizing and relying on Him, and obeying Him as He brings us the truth of His Word, life will become amazingly simple."

Oswald Chambers: My Utmost for His Highest